Preparations for Marriage

I. UNDERSTANDING THE TERMINOLOGY

A. Dating

1. As a noun, it originated late 1890s from another form of the word date.
2. As a verb, it originated in the early 1900s as a form of the noun above.
3. Historically, the verb meant to have a romantic liaison or intimate relationship.

B. Courtship

1. Originated as early as the late 1500s.
2. The attempt to incline another’s heart with the intention of marrying.

C. The Call to Examination

1. First, it must be remembered that terminology is only terminology. What may be dating to one couple may well describe courting to another, and visa versa.
2. Second, it must be realized that neither of these terms is found in scripture. Technically speaking, neither principle is entirely followed in scripture.
3. In fact, the terminology used in scripture is espoused (see 2 Samuel 3:14; Matthew 1:18; 2 Corinthians 11:2). However, this seemed only to speak of the process by which a man would take a wife.

II. ESTABLISHING THE FAILURE

A. Premarital

1. Living together outside of wedlock (John 4:16-18)
2. Loss of virginity (Genesis 24:16)
3. Refusals to marry (1 Timothy 4:3)

B. Postmarital

1. The prevalence of discontent marriages (Malachi 2:14-15)
2. The prevalence of divorce (Mark 10:9)

III. QUALIFYING THE CANDIDATES

A. Only Saved Individuals Should Marry

1. A biblical principle given in the Old Testament (Exodus 34:10-17)
2. Believers and unbelievers should not be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).
3. Technically, this is only the surface and one should examine another’s beliefs thoroughly before contemplating marriage.

B. Only Prepared Individuals Should Marry

1. Preparedness to leave the single life (see Genesis 2:19-20)
a. The trouble
1.) Why did the Lord not go ahead with the creation of the woman at the same time that He created the man?
2.) Did the Lord know that Adam would be lonely?
3.) The Lord created mates for the animals, but did not do so for Adam.
b. The solution
1.) Man has a strong will, and considers himself independent.
2.) Before a man is ready to meet the love of his life, he must first realize that he needs an help meet from the Lord. If you have to convince a man to marry you, you’d better hope you don’t.
2. Preparedness to marry
a. Financially
1.) Adam had a place to live (Genesis 2:8) and a job that offered future provisions (Genesis 2:8, 19-20) before God brought Adam a wife.
2.) It is not too much to ask the same of a young man today.
b. Spiritually
1.) A man who cannot lead a family spiritually is not ready for a family.
2.) A young lady who is not capable of educating her children on the truths of scripture is not ready to be a wife/mother.
c. Emotionally or mentally

C. Only High Character Individuals Should Marry

1. Consider Rebekah’s qualities making her a good candidate (Genesis 24:13-20).
a. She was punctual (Genesis 24:11, 15)
b. She was pure (Genesis 24:16)
c. She was pleasant (Genesis 24:17)
d. She was productive (Genesis 24:16-20)
2. You cannot change what you were, but you can change what you are. I do recommend solely rejecting individuals based upon their past, but if they presently lack character that is entirely different.

D. Only Guided Individuals Should Marry

1. Guided by God (Genesis 24:12)
2. Guided by parental influence and counsel (Genesis 24:1-8, 50); Note: Consider the rebellion of Esau (Genesis 28:8-9) and Samson (Judges 14:1-3).
3. Guided by other godly counsel

IV. PLOTTING THE COURSE

A. Pray!

B. Study the Prospect

1. Study the family
2. Study the individual (Genesis 24:23-56)
a. For work ethic
b. For Christ-like behaviour
c. For love of others (especially elderly and young)
d. For submission to authority

C. Pray and Seek Counsel

D. Proceed with Caution

1. Remembering that the young man should pursue the young lady.
2. Proceed only with the approval of the parents.
3. The young man should approach the one responsible for the young lady (1 Corinthians 7:38) seeking permission before any interest is shown.

E. Proceed with Guidance and Testimony in Mind (1 Thessalonians 5:22)

1. Only after the approval of the father and young lady (Genesis 24:58), a young man should proceed with hand-written correspondence.
2. Everything should be done in the expectation that the parents will read and be involved in any initial correspondence.
3. The two young people should never be completely alone or left only with peers or untrustworthy adults.
4. The two should not touch until the marriage ceremony (1 Corinthians 7:1).
5. Whatever guidelines you establish, do everything you can to protect your testimony and the testimony of the family or young lady in which you are interested. Have the testimony of a Philemon (Philemon 1:21).